The video centers around the importance of checking in on each other and fostering human connections, sparked by an overwhelming emotional response to a simple video gesture from Steve Burns of "Blue's Clues" fame. In this era of social isolation, the presenter urges people to examine why these simple acts of kindness and inquiries into each other's well-being are so rare, despite their obvious need and impact on mental health, especially among younger generations.

The speaker shares personal experiences and stresses the significance of community and compassion. By illustrating how a shift toward consistent acts of kindness can improve mental health and positively transform communities, the video advocates for a return to values of empathy and collaboration. By realigning focus away from distractions like technology and fostering direct human interaction, the video suggests practical approaches for supporting one another and building tight-knit communal bonds.

Main takeaways from the video:

Please remember to turn on the CC button to view the subtitles.

Key Vocabularies and Common Phrases:

1. empathy [ˈɛmpəθi] - (noun) - The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. - Synonyms: (compassion, understanding, sympathy)

He doesn't break eye contact with his viewer, nodding along silently, complete, genuine empathy on his face.

2. alarming [əˈlɑːrmɪŋ] - (adjective) - Causing concern or fear. - Synonyms: (worrying, disturbing, frightening)

Thank you for attending my TED talk, but the social impact professional in me needed to zoom in, because why weren't we checking in with one another when it was so evident that many of us were needing that very thing? So I began to do some of my own research, and what I found early on was pretty alarming

3. humility [hjuːˈmɪləti] - (noun) - A modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness. - Synonyms: (modesty, meekness, humbleness)

It is critical that we exercise humility and we can stop the spread of damage that our actions can cause.

4. resilience [rɪˈzɪliəns] - (noun) - The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. - Synonyms: (toughness, flexibility, durability)

Being vulnerable exposes us to risk, uncertainty, judgment, all of which pretty uncomfortable. But it is also how foundational relationships are built, and those are core to our well being.

5. isolation [ˌaɪsəˈleɪʃən] - (noun) - The state of being separate from others; solitude. - Synonyms: (seclusion, separation, solitude)

I learned that the second leading cause of death among our teenagers in the United States was suicide, and that's behind gun violence, both having this link to social isolation.

6. vulnerable [ˈvʌlnərəbl] - (adjective) - Susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. - Synonyms: (exposed, defenseless, fragile)

Being vulnerable exposes us to risk, uncertainty, judgment, all of which pretty uncomfortable.

7. elevation [ˌɛləˈveɪʃən] - (noun) - A sense of being uplifted or morally improved. - Synonyms: (uplift, improvement, enhancement)

In fact, they can experience their own moral elevation.

8. reciprocity [ˌrɛsɪˈprɒsɪti] - (noun) - The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit. - Synonyms: (exchange, cooperation, mutuality)

But the key here is not to have any expectation of reciprocity.

9. unrequested [ˌʌnrɪˈkwɛstɪd] - (adjective) - Not asked for or solicited. - Synonyms: (unsolicited, unwelcome, uninvited)

And that initial awkwardness that comes with an unrequested offer of support completely dissipated.

10. catastrophic [ˌkatəˈstrɑːfɪk] - (adjective) - Involving or causing sudden great damage or suffering. - Synonyms: (disastrous, calamitous, devastating)

Several years ago, my mother suffered a catastrophic stroke.

A Hands-on Approach to Remodeling Society - Stacy Huston - TEDxFargo

I invite you to think about the last time someone genuinely checked in on you. Some of you may remember Steve burns from the popular nineties show Blue's clues. Well, not too long ago, he made a video for his social media followers where he asked them how they were doing, and then he simply created space. He doesn't break eye contact with his viewer, nodding along silently, complete, genuine empathy on his face. He doesn't add advice or commentary. In the end, he simply leaves him by saying, you look good. And this video went viral. And there wasn't an insignificant number of comments where people actually shared that they were in tears, some sharing that they were sobbing, while others described that they couldn't remember the last time someone actually checked in on them. So it seems like an easy solution. Everyone should just check in on one another.

Thank you for attending my TED talk, but the social impact professional in me needed to zoom in, because why weren't we checking in with one another when it was so evident that many of us were needing that very thing? So I began to do some of my own research, and what I found early on was pretty alarming. I learned that the second leading cause of death among our teenagers in the United States was suicide, and that's behind gun violence, both having this link to social isolation. At times I asked myself, what are we modeling for our young people? That they just believe it doesn't get any better? And as a mom of two toddlers, I had to come up with my own practical strategies.

So as I continued to dig into these issues, I found myself at an airport for a work trip. And there was that familiar two hour delay. And this is where I share my first hard truth. I hate being late. I felt that immediate rush of anxiety and the panic of everything I was going to have to do as soon as I would land. And it was in that moment that I actually remembered. It was MLK day, which is otherwise known as the day of service. So instead of stewing in that anxiety, I decided to look around to see if there was anyone I can lend a hand to.

And no, it's not lost on me that I shouldn't have taken a day of service for this to happen. But we're going to keep moving. So I quickly saw a young family that needed help managing all of their many bags. With a small infant thene, I picked up someone's dropped water bottle. I offered the last of my hand sanitizer to my seatmate who had just ran out of theirs, a series of really simple actions that shifted my entire day from anxiety to peace. Each additional offer of support, or even just letting the person next to me chat me up, it became easier, more natural to just lean in. And that initial awkwardness that comes with an unrequested offer of support completely dissipated.

So over the next several months, I continued to choose compassion over comfort, whether that was by offering a smile, holding a door, or simply asking someone how they were doing. And I began to see these ripples. And when I zoomed back out, I really saw that I was applying five key principles to be the change I wanted to see in myself and in my community. And it is my deepest hope that by sharing it with each of you today, we can begin to rediscover what it really means to be human.

The first core principle that really rises to the occasion is the need for consistency. The more you do acts like this, the easier it becomes and the better you feel. Studies actually show that an act of service can decrease things like depression and anxiety and improve our mental health. People actually experience something called a helper's high. Something that has really helped me is to commit to a block of time. Every single day that I look to be of service, that might be me just reaching out to a friend or old colleague, seeing how I can show up for them in the current season of life that they're in. Or I walk into a public space looking for someone I can lend a hand to. But the key here is not to have any expectation of reciprocity.

And as you can imagine, it's not always easy to be authentic, especially in the early days. In fact, one time, me and my family were at this really popular bakery, and it was super overcrowded. So we went outside to find a seat, and my four year old daughter beelined it to this overflowing trash can and immediately started grabbing garbage, to which me and her dad did what any normal parent would do in that situation. We totally overreacted. Started describing all the germs, and she just looked at us with this really inquisitive stare and said, well, then, who will pick it up? That was a really hard moment as a parent that's trying to raise a change maker. So I kind of knelt down eye to eye, and I said, you're right. Mommy missed the mark on that one. It is our responsibility to pick it up, even if it's not ours. Even when no one's looking, even when no one asks us. Because this is our community.

And what I was doing there is really the core principle. Number two is something that I like to call a remodeling. It is not always little eyes that are looking up at us. So often it's our friends, colleagues, our spouse, neighbors, or maybe even strangers. But when we model unhelpful behavior, it is critical that we exercise humility and we can stop the spread of damage that our actions can cause.

So if we know that when we do kind acts, we feel better, those on the receiving end also feel better. In fact, they can experience their own moral elevation. Why does it still feel like we are so hardwired to not be very helpful? I really believe it's because we rise and fall. On this third principle. We must acknowledge that it is really friggin hard to build healthy, connected communities. It's one of the reasons why people are bursting into tears when they're simply being asked how they're doing. Being vulnerable exposes us to risk, uncertainty, judgment, all of which pretty uncomfortable. But it is also how foundational relationships are built, and those are core to our well being.

Still, knowing all of this, we idolize the self made person, the person that picks themselves up by their bootstraps and does it all on their own. And I'm here to remind all of us that that's not a real thing. No one makes it anywhere completely alone. We have gone through centuries of social conditioning and evolutionary framing to tell us we must conserve our resources, be it emotional, physical, or maybe our most important resource, our time.

Douglas Rushkoff, author of Team Human, talks about this fascinating and lesser known admission that Darwin actually makes. In his later works, he shares, we've been conditioned to believe in the myth that evolution is about competition, the survival of the fittest. But evolution is every bit as much about cooperation as competition. Even Darwin knew it takes reciprocity, collaboration, and truly a village to successfully evolve.

The fourth key principle is our need to be able to focus. For a long time, technology has almost been billed as a cure all for all of life's inefficiencies. But we know that we are more distracted than ever before, to the point that we have national campaigns reminding us not to touch our smartphones while we drive. Our young people are using screens at intervals that far exceed what the American association of Pediatrics even recommend. And Americans, according to one study, interact with their devices on average 2617 times a day a day.

It's time to connect again. Irl that's in real life. For those of you that have already mastered this step, seriously though, try leaving your devices at home. At minimum, bury them in a bag, out of reach. When you have time to connect with someone face to face. If you think this sounds hyperbolic, I want to frame it to you the way doctor Cal newborn frames it in his work around digital minimalism. We are individuals at war with tech companies that have seemingly endless amounts of capital. But they have one singular to capture as much of our time and attention as is humanly possible.

We do not stand a chance unless we take very distinct and direct measures. Because clutter, particularly digital clutter, that's far too costly. The fifth and final principle is the profound impact that comes with tracking these types of acts. Committing to memory how they make you feel and how you see that ripple spreading around your community. Several years ago, my mother suffered a catastrophic stroke. And overnight my life was never the same.

A dear, dear friend knew that. I didn't have the words to talk about it, but she wanted me to know that she was thinking of me. And she was praying for my mother every single day. She was committed to that. She sent me this picture. It's my mother's name, Laurie, written on her hand in permanent marker. This singular act was one of the things that sustained me during the darkest period of my life.

Similarly, three years later, when it got a lot darker and we lost my mother, a neighbor that I didn't even really know all that well, offered to just come over and sit with me in my grief. Now, this was during COVID so we were 6ft apart in my driveway and we just wept. But her silent presence was a testament to the power of simply showing up and creating space for another human being.

It's time that we craft the communities we want to see in this world. Both of those examples are acts of humanity that we have to believe as possible with one another. We have to do everything we can to strive to uphold it. Our acts of humanity sometimes going to be uncomfortable. Yeah, of course. But perhaps it's time to shift our focus to the cost to our humanity if we do not start showing up for one another.

If we're going to be really honest here, and I hope we can be, we don't try doing simple things like this because we don't actually believe that the little things will make a difference. So we don't even try. We don't believe in the power of one. But they do matter. And collectively we can send ripples of positive connection so far and so wide. It is time that we remember what being human is really all about. It is taking care of our greatest resource, our greatest strength, one another. Thank you.

Human Connection, Empathy, Community Care, Inspiration, Motivation, Mental Health, Tedx Talks