The video centers around the journey of Josh Ward, who, two decades ago, faced a major challenge with self-confidence during a college group presentation. He recounts the anxiety and withdrawal he faced, ultimately leading to a transformative experience through a public speaking class. This journey is meant to inspire others to build and cultivate self-confidence over time, whether they begin from a position of confidence or not.

Ward outlines three key principles for building self-confidence. The first, subconscious confirmation, involves consistently providing evidence to your subconscious to affirm confident behaviors, such as choosing more engaged, face-to-face interactions over impersonal communication. The second focuses on physical attributes—like maintaining eye contact, slowing down speech, and using open hand gestures—that can influence how confident one feels and is perceived by others. The third principle involves attempting challenging tasks, which builds competence and confidence through overcoming adversity.

Main takeaways from the video:

Please remember to turn on the CC button to view the subtitles.

Key Vocabularies and Common Phrases:

1. subconscious [ˌsʌbˈkɑːnʃəs] - (adj.) - Relating to the part of the mind that one is not fully aware of but which influences actions and feelings. - Synonyms: (unconscious, hidden, implicit)

The first king of self confidence is this idea of subconscious confirmation.

2. confirmation [ˌkɒnfəˈmeɪʃən] - (n.) - The act of verifying or endorsing a particular truth or fact. - Synonyms: (verification, validation, approval)

subconscious confirmation, our subconscious, is that part of our brain that we're not fully aware of, but it has influence over our thoughts and our actions.

3. engaged [ɪnˈɡeɪdʒd] - (adj.) - Being deeply involved or interested in something. - Synonyms: (involved, committed, attentive)

You're going to instantly feel more confident, you're going to appear more confident, and you're going to be a person that is engaged with the world.

4. competence [ˈkɒmpɪtəns] - (n.) - The ability to do something successfully or efficiently. - Synonyms: (capability, proficiency, skill)

But it also creates in you an accidental expert. You become the expert of whatever it is you're trying to do. And when you have competence, it produces confidence.

5. withdrawal [wɪðˈdrɔːəl] - (n.) - The action of retreating or moving away from a situation or context. - Synonyms: (retreat, removal, retraction)

For those of you who don't know, a w does not mean a win. It actually means a withdrawal.

6. manifest [ˈmænɪfɛst] - (v.) - To display or show a quality or feeling through actions or appearance. - Synonyms: (display, reveal, exhibit)

So many times in life, we fix our gaze down, and this really manifests itself when we're standing in the grocery line.

7. cadence [ˈkeɪdns] - (n.) - A modulation or inflection of the voice; rhythm. - Synonyms: (rhythm, tempo, beat)

But by slowing down, even as I slow down the cadence of my voice, I feel more in control and I appear more confident to you.

8. adversity [ədˈvɜːrsɪti] - (n.) - A state of hardship or misfortune; adverse conditions. - Synonyms: (misfortune, hardship, trial)

And it's about using the ancient art of adversity to your advantage.

9. discovered [dɪˈskʌvərd] - (adj.) - Having found or encountered something for the first time. - Synonyms: (found, revealed, unearthed)

My predecessor, Shea Hopkins, moved to Clarksville Montgomery county, and when she did, she discovered a two year waiting list on childcare.

10. submissions [səbˈmɪʃənz] - (n.) - The act of presenting something for consideration or judgement. - Synonyms: (proposals, presentations, entries)

After six months of negotiations, we received ten inquiries, two final submissions, and we ended up with an 800 student child care center in the industrial park.

The Three Kings of Confidence - Josh Ward - TEDxClarksville

I want to take you back to a time of 20 years ago. It was the fall of 2006, and skinny jeans were on the rise, and I really wanted to fit in with the skinny jean movement. But the problem is, I couldn't physically fit into the skinny jeans because of my thunder thighs. Twitter was just being launched. You had to have a college email address to even get on Facebook. We were all rocking ipods 20 years ago. That's the device with the cord that attaches to your ears.

20 years ago, I was on the campus of middle Tennessee State University for my sophomore season. And for the first time in my life, I had to give what's called a group presentation. Now, for those of you who are good students, you hate group presentations because you end up doing all the work. But I, for the first time, had to give a talk. And so I remember, as the days drew near to the presentation, I became so overcome with fear and anxiety that I actually ended up taking a w for the class. For those of you who don't know, a w does not mean a win. It actually means a withdrawal. I withdrew from the university because I couldn't do it.

The months that followed would sort of torture my soul as I couldn't figure out why I was unable to stand up in front of my peers and give a simple presentation. I ended up transferring to a two year community college, took a public speaking class that would change my life, and now I give group presentations all the time. If I look back at that young college student, the one single reason I was unable to do it that day is because I had a severe lack of self confidence. Now, the good news about confidence, it can be constructed over time. You can build your confidence. You can be the king of your own confidence with just a few simple principles that I want to talk about today.

I don't stand before you as an expert in the subject of self confidence. I stand before you as a guy that didn't have any. But learn to build it over time. And whether you're a CEO of a company and you've got all kinds of it, or whether you're like me, a young college student, and you're just looking to build it from the ground up, you can construct your confidence and become a more self assured person. So let's talk about the three kings of self confidence. Are you ready, king number one?

This one is a bit abstract, but stay with me. It'll get a little more practical. The first king of self confidence is this idea of subconscious confirmation. subconscious confirmation, our subconscious, is that part of our brain that we're not fully aware of, but it has influence over our thoughts and our actions. So we have to provide evidence to our subconscious that we are, in fact, a confident people. You see, our subconscious is like a jury, and it's always looking to convict you of who you claim to be. So you have to provide evidence to your subconscious that you are a confident person by always trying to do the right thing.

Let me give you an example that manifests itself every day across corporate America. Let's say you're in the office and you know you need to stop in and talk to your coworker. If it's a guy, it's your bro worker. You got coworkers, you got bro workers. Whoever you need to talk to, you stop in. And instead of having a conversation that you know you need to have in person, you instead decide to keep on going and send an email instead.

Now, what you've done is provided a piece of evidence to your subconscious that you're not confident enough to do the right thing. However, if you are able to make the uncomfortable decision to stop and talk face to face, regardless of how the conversation goes, you've provided your subconscious with a piece of evidence to confirm with your identity that you are, in fact, a confident person. The subconscious is a bit mysterious, but it has the power to shape your identity. Always do what confident people do. Always do what you know is right. And that'll be the first king of self confidence.

Okay, that one got a little heady. I'm not a doctor like Doctor Steinberg, so I'm going to shift to something more practical. King number two is about the physical attributes of self confidence. Did you know that your body can tell your brain how to feel? There are things you can do with your eyes, with your voice, and with your hands to make you feel more confident and to make you appear more confident in front of your peers.

The first thing you can physically do is literally look up. So many times in life, we fix our gaze down, and this really manifests itself when we're standing in the grocery line at food lion or Publix, hopefully one day. Trader Joe's. I am the vp of industrial development. I know things. But as the cashier is checking you out, not checking you out, but checking out your groceries, and you pay $100 for four items, we're always tempted to just stare at the keypad.

And while our groceries are being checked out, we feel like a sheepish child that's sort of suffering our way through the situation. But instead, by looking up and making eye contact with the cashier. You're going to instantly feel more confident, you're going to appear more confident, and you're going to be a person that is engaged with the world. Look up is the simplest advice. You don't want to make eye contact 100% of the time. Always following someone's eyeballs. That's called a psychopath. Okay.

You want to make eye contact about 80 20, and that gives you time to look away, gather your thoughts, but always come back to looking a person in the eyes. The second thing you can do physically is to slow down. Did you know that in 1994, Michael Jackson, the king of pop, he emerged from the bottom of the Super bowl stage and he stood there for 72 seconds. If you consider the fact that 1 minute of Super bowl ad space is $14 million, that was the most expensive power pause of all time. But what it did was it built anticipation, it built expectation, and it told the world, I have the confidence to hold your attention for 72 seconds.

When we're in high pressure situations and we're tempted to feel low confidence, our natural tendency is to speed up. But by slowing down, even as I slow down the cadence of my voice, I feel more in control and I appear more confident to you, slowing down is incredible advice. Before I lead any board meeting, I'll write the words slow down on the agenda so that I'm reminded to take my time and walk people through it. It will help your confidence. So you gotta look up, you gotta slow down, and then what you wanna do is to know what to do with your hands.

Biologically speaking. When you see the palms of someone's hands, it relaxes your eyeball because it says to the world, I'm safe and I'm unarmed, I'm warm, and I'm welcoming. Your hands give you extreme confidence if you keep them visible. And just a moment ago, when I was saying thank you to everybody, I put them in my pocket. I do it all the time. I constantly have to remind myself to keep my hands visible.

What happens when you put your hand in your pocket is your subconscious makes you feel like you're hiding something. And to the world, you appear that you're hiding something. So keep your hands visible as much as possible. So we've got the subconscious confirmation, the physical attributes, and my third and final king of confidence is one that you might not expect.

It's this idea of try hard things. Try hard things. There's an author by the name of Ryan Holiday, and he has this incredible book called the obstacle is the way and it's about using the ancient art of adversity to your advantage. And in it, he talks about how life used to be hard, naturally hard. Think about it. You would emerge from your cave, and you would go out and kill a lion.

I don't know what lion tastes like, but I think some people in our society today know what cats taste like, which I don't fully understand. You would go get a lion, you would skin it, you would grill it, you would cook it, you would eat it, and then you would have to do it all again the next day. And the thing I can't understand the most is how we were ever able to sleep without air conditioning. If it's not 65 degrees in my house, I'm furious at night. But life was naturally hard. Survival was a real challenge.

So let me explain to you how confidence is connected to trying hard things. When we pursue hard things intentionally, it confirms with our subconscious that we are a person who does hard things. But it also creates in you an accidental expert. You become the expert of whatever it is you're trying to do. And when you have competence, it produces confidence. The hardest thing I ever had to do in my career was about three years ago.

My predecessor, Shea Hopkins, moved to Clarksville Montgomery county, and when she did, she discovered a two year waiting list on childcare. We looked to the state government and tried to figure out what their grant programs were, and yes, there were a few, but it wasn't enough to solve the two year waiting list, the childcare crisis that we have in our industrial park. So then we looked to the federal government, and surprise, surprise, they were of no help. So we decided to act locally.

And over the course of a year, with the support of Mayor Wes golden, we assembled some land. With that land, we rezoned it from m two industrial to c five commercial. We put it together in a request for proposal, and we sent it out across the nation. It went as high as Chicago and as far west as California. We said, we're good, California. Y'all can just good. We got enough of y'all over here in Tennessee.

But we sent it across the nation. And after six months of negotiations, we received ten inquiries, two final submissions, and we ended up with an 800 student child care center in the industrial park, where half the spots are dedicated to industry and discounted 15%. And we have radically reduced the waiting list for childcare. We've put a dramatic decrease in the crisis that we had in Clarksville, Montgomery county. And that thing opened for business on August 1. It was incredibly hard, incredibly difficult but what an amenity we have for this community.

Since that time we have toured the nation talking to other communities about how to do childcare and when we talk to them, guess what? We have confidence because we have competence. We've paid the way we've paid the price and we know how to do public private partnerships between industrial development boards and private entities.

You got to go out of your way to pursue hard things, but it has some surprising and unexpected benefits. In closing, I just want to remind you that I started this journey with low confidence. But by remembering the role that my subconscious plays, by always providing evidence to my subconscious, I became a more confident person by looking up and fixing my gaze, by slowing down and remembering to take my time, by keeping my hands visible. This allowed me to feel more confident. And by pursuing hard things we became accidental experts and our competence produced confidence. My name is Josh Ward. Thank you all for being here. God bless.

Innovation, Leadership, Motivation, Confidence Building, Public Speaking, Overcoming Challenges, Tedx Talks