The video addresses the concept of personal transformation by stepping away from societal expectations and focusing on personal growth and self-discovery. This involves a journey of recognizing when someone has lost themselves trying to fit into societal molds and emphasizes the importance of not sacrificing one's identity to meet others' standards. The focus is on how fitting in can limit individuals, while fitting oneself can lead to liberation.

The speaker shares a personal story to underline how transformative experiences can catalyze personal change, involving three key "moves"—accessing fearlessness, imagination, and tenacity. Personal anecdotes highlight how the speaker dealt with loss and depression, ultimately leading to a new path of discovery and experimentation. The speaker stresses the importance of asking oneself difficult questions and changing life paths to fulfill one's true potential.

Main takeaways from the video:

Please remember to turn on the CC button to view the subtitles.

Key Vocabularies and Common Phrases:

1. stifled [ˈstaɪfəld] - (adj.) - Feeling unable to breathe or be free; or unable to fully express emotions or creativity. - Synonyms: (restricted, repressed, suffocated)

I was lost, small, stifled, scarlet, scared.

2. depression [dɪˈprɛʃən] - (n.) - A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection. - Synonyms: (melancholy, sadness, despondency)

I'm living through four years of deep depression.

3. resonated [ˈrɛzəˌneɪtɪd] - (v.) - To evoke a feeling of shared emotion or belief. - Synonyms: (echoed, struck a chord, connected)

I moved industries because I no longer resonated.

4. imaginative [ɪˈmædʒɪnətɪv] - (adj.) - Having or showing creativity or inventiveness. - Synonyms: (creative, inventive, resourceful)

The second move is to access the imaginative you.

5. transformative [trænsˈfɔːrmətɪv] - (adj.) - Causing a marked change in someone or something. - Synonyms: (revolutionary, altering, changing)

That's not just transformation. That's a revolution.

6. servant leadership [ˈsɜrvənt ˈliːdərʃɪp] - (n.) - A philosophy in which the main goal of the leader is to serve others. - Synonyms: (stewardship, supportive leadership, altruistic leadership)

I'm an author of two books in servant leadership and several academic articles.

7. consultant [kənˈsʌltənt] - (n.) - A person who provides expert advice professionally. - Synonyms: (advisor, specialist, expert)

I'm a change consultant and a leadership consultant with them.

8. masterpiece [ˈmɑːstərˌpiːs] - (n.) - A work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship. - Synonyms: (marvel, gem, work of art)

But at mid age today, I haven't finished filling in my masterpiece.

9. tenacious [təˈneɪʃəs] - (adj.) - Tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely. - Synonyms: (determined, persistent, resolute)

The Third move is to access the tenacious you.

10. self-awareness [ˈsɛlf əˈwɛrnəs] - (n.) - Conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. - Synonyms: (self-perception, mindfulness, introspection)

...the strategy that consistently works, at least for me and my coaching clients, is self awareness and discernment.

Breaking free from fitting in - Dr. Maria Pressentin - TEDxFIIB Women

So imagine one day you stand before the mirror, you wake up in the morning, and you no longer recognize the person in front of you. That's because you've been following somebody else's rules, somebody else's expectations, somebody else's standards. You're trying to fit in. Along the way, somebody else's mold for you, but along the way, you've lost yourself. You don't recognize yourself anymore. But here's the truth. Fitting in limits you, and fitting you liberates you.

So how do you go from fitting in to fitting you? It takes three moves that you need to access, and I call them moves, simply because you're moving your entire mental body, your physical body, and your emotional body.

So let's take you through that experience. The first move is to access the fearless you. Most of my life, I've been told what to do. And people have always told me, Maria, study this, do this job. Follow expectations. Make sure that you fit in. I was lost, small, stifled, scarlet, scared. I never felt like I belonged.

But until one day, life really just hit me. I'm faced with losing my firstborn. He lived for two weeks, and I'm standing in front of his funeral. And straight after that, I'm living through four years of deep depression. You know, during that process, it was very confusing. I didn't know how to move on. People kept on telling me what to do. Think about your future. Have another child, go for therapy. Nobody has ever asked me, what do you need, Maria? To be quite honest, if somebody asked me what I needed, I probably wouldn't have an answer at that moment because I was in deep depression. But I knew what I did not need.

I didn't need another advice from somebody that wanted me to fit their mold because it's convenient. So what I did was, okay, let me ask those difficult questions to myself. And they were really tough. I had no answers. But I started anyways. And I sometimes would avoid these questions. So one question was, where do you want to be, Maria? What's the new life you want to lead? And how can I heal myself because I was suffering so much?

So I started to move. I talked about three moves, right? So I started to move. I moved industries because I no longer resonated. I learned a lot. Thank you. But no longer resonated. It drained me. I moved countries because it saddened me where I was. I also moved away from some friends that no longer permitted me to create a new life, and they were not part of my path anymore. But I'm grateful for every single experience until then.

So what I encourage people to do is to access your fearlessness and to answer questions that matter to you. Some of these questions you might be avoiding today, but do it anyways.

The second move is to access the imaginative. You life is a big canvas and it's really interesting because you've got all these possibilities and you've got all these challenges. It's really colorful, but it's up to you to put that color in there. So I remember visiting my mom in Portugal and bless her, and one day she sat with me and she said, Maria, life is full of experiences. So experiment. So I was like, yeah, but mom, what if I mess up? And she goes, if you don't like your life, change it. If you don't love it, change it again. What if you succeed, Maria?

So I said, oh wow, this is my mantra. Experiment, change, succeed. Experiment, change and succeed. Experiment, change and succeed. So, so what did I say? After me, Experiment, change and succeed. So what's the worst? Nothing. You could succeed.

So I started to experiment. I changed and lived in eight countries. I learned five different languages from different countries. I wanted to publish and learn about writing books and be an author. I basically looked at working on, you know, two MBAs, different courses, did a PhD. This time I chose what to study. I went deep diving into behavioral sciences. I got qualified and certified in a bunch of certifications, professional certifications in coaching training, advisory board services. I also served the community with my efforts and energy to support the community.

And it's really interesting because the canvas today, it's full of color. You know, it's got tears of hard work, that's one color. It's got the smiles of successes, that's another color. There's so many colors. It's really up to me to fill it in, right? But at mid age today, I haven't finished filling in my masterpiece.

But what does it look like as a milestone today for me? Well, I'm an author of two books in servant leadership and several academic articles. I have my own business and I've served with Fortune 100 organizations, 500 organizations. I'm a change consultant and a leadership consultant with them. I'm also a professor in two prominent universities. Well, I went back to corporate, so I'm an HR leader in corporate and before I was in sales. So I combine business acumency with HR. Works out really well. And most of all, I'm standing before you as an international speaker to share my story.

So, so access the imaginative you to experiment a new version of yourself. The Third move is to access the tenacious you. Am I happy today? Yes. Am I stressed sometimes? Do I have problems? Who doesn't? But the problems show up and creep up in different ways and especially two ways. One is self doubt. You're not good enough. And the other one is voices from the public, people that you work with, people that you hang out with, you know, family, friends, communities, people that you need to hang around with. And there are different voices and they would say, you too bold, you're not fitting in, you're too different.

Okay, well, today at Midlife, I've learned a little bit about life and I have a few strategies, but the strategy that consistently works, at least for me and my coaching clients, is self awareness and discernment. So let's deal with self doubt. Okay, you're not good enough. Why am I here, Maria? Is this still my mission and my path? What do I need to do to upgrade? Am I doing the right thing for me? As you continue that path of self coaching, something brilliant comes out usually.

Let's look at the voices of the community. You've got two types of voices. You've got one set of voices that are. Okay, Maria, you know, if we could just make sure that we do a win, win situation here because you could do things a little bit differently because our audience is this and that. Wow, that's perfect. That's constructive feedback. That's helping me grow, do better, I'll learn, I'll adapt, I'll serve you better. Thank you so much.

There's the other side of the voice, which is you're too different. That's not convenient for us. Thank you very much. That's your problem, not mine. This is as far as it goes. That's my boundary. You know, people in life will try to stop you and to dim your light. Your job and your mission is not to care about that. Your business is not to care about those that dim your light. Your business is to shine. What's your business? To shine. That's it.

And that's really important because I am blessed with a second son. Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you. He's a teenager now. He's a brilliant human being. And in preparing him for life, I come home every day from work and I share my challenges, my opportunities, my excitements of things that I don't know how to go on with. I sometimes have no clue what I'm doing, but I just do it because experiment, change and satish it's possible.

So I tell him, with all these opportunities and I embrace them. And then sometimes he gives me some advice. And his advice is really genuinely to help me. He's a young person, and I like to listen to him and his friends because I learn a lot from the young people. Young people at the back. I really love talking to all of you. And then sometimes he laughs at me because he says, mama, you're always so excited. You always have a new project somewhere. Oh, my gosh, you look like a young girl.

My point is, it's very simple. What I want to leave with him and potentially with all of you, is live life today. Experiment, change and succeed. Don't postpone life. So take up and access your tenacity to embrace all experiences from yourself.

Today, I have a challenge for all of you. I'd like you to stop fitting in and start fitting you. The model is very simple, but not simplistic. Start from the bottom. Access the fearlessness in you to be courageous, to value yourself and ask the tough questions even if you're avoiding them. Access the imagination in you to have the creativity to reinvent yourself. Access the tenacity in you and be with conviction to become you.

Now imagine if all women on earth today together are reaching their potential to reach their own star. Now, instead of shrinking to fit into somebody else's mold, we are all expanding to fill our own. Ladies, that's not just transformation. That's a revolution. And it starts with you. Thank you.

INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, LEADERSHIP, SELF-DISCOVERY, PERSONAL GROWTH, EMPOWERMENT, TEDX TALKS