The speaker shares their personal story of becoming a gestational surrogate for a friend's twins. Initially approached with questions about why they agreed to do it, the speaker explains that their connection with the friends, combined with their own successful pregnancy history, led them to offer surrogacy as an act of support and love. This decision was sparked by empathy and a desire to offer tangible help rather than just words during a challenging time for the couple.

The process of gestational surrogacy is outlined, highlighting the scientific aspects behind embryo transfer. The speaker elaborates on the in vitro fertilization process, how embryos were transferred to them, and the medical protocols followed to prepare the uterus for carrying the twins. They emphasize the importance of clear legal agreements to ensure ethical practices in surrogacy and shares insights into the diverse opinions on surrogacy within different legal jurisdictions.

Main takeaways from the video:

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Key Vocabularies and Common Phrases:

1. gestational surrogate [dʒɛsˈteɪʃənəl ˈsɜːrəɡət] - (noun phrase) - A person who carries a pregnancy for someone else who cannot conceive or bear a child themselves. - Synonyms: (gestational carrier, surrogate mother)

I was a gestational surrogate for the twins of my friend and her husband.

2. remittance [rɪˈmɪtəns] - (noun) - A sum of money sent in payment or as a gift. - Synonyms: (payment, compensation, reimbursement)

...this time I received a much more valuable remittance for my care.

3. altruistic [ˌæltruˈɪstɪk] - (adjective) - Showing a selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish. - Synonyms: (selfless, charitable, benevolent)

Like me, many surrogates enter the experience because of altruistic reasons.

4. commodifies [kəˈmɒdɪfaɪz] - (verb) - Treats something that cannot be owned as a product that can be bought or sold. - Synonyms: (commercializes, monetizes, exploits)

and commodifies reproduction.

5. empathy [ˈɛmpəθi] - (noun) - The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. - Synonyms: (compassion, sympathy, understanding)

This decision was sparked by empathy and a desire to offer tangible help...

6. c-section [ˈsiː ˌsɛkʃən] - (noun) - A surgical operation to deliver a baby by cutting through the mother's abdomen and uterus. - Synonyms: (caesarean section, surgical birth, caesarean)

That meant they would need to be delivered via C section.

7. fertilization [ˌfɜːtɪlaɪˈzeɪʃən] - (noun) - The process of causing an egg to develop into a new individual by introducing male reproductive material. - Synonyms: (conception, insemination, impregnation)

...injected or mixed with the sperm of the father to produce embryos via normal fertilization.

8. embryo transfer [ˈɛmbriəʊ ˈtrænsfər] - (noun phrase) - A technique used to place an embryo into the uterus. - Synonyms: (embryo implantation, embryo relocation)

Before the embryo transfer and after some general health checks, I needed to trick my body into thinking it was ready to have a baby

9. implantation [ˌɪmplænˈteɪʃən] - (noun) - The attachment and subsequent embedding of the fertilized egg in the lining of the uterus. - Synonyms: (embedding, fixing, lodging)

Knowing that the likelihood of successful implantation in IVF varies from 30 to 40%, I quickly opted to double those chances with a double transfer

10. ethical dilemmas [ˈɛθɪkəl dɪˈlɛmə] - (noun phrase) - Situations in which there is a difficult choice between two or more conflicting moral principles. - Synonyms: (moral conflicts, ethical conflicts, moral quandaries)

Many shocking headlines about parent and surrogate relationships highlight these sticky ethical dilemmas.

A Surrogacy Story - Amanda Meyer - TEDxYouth@ASBarcelona

Like many teenagers, one of my first paid jobs was babysitting. But I didn't like it very much. After one of my charges locked the bathroom door and stuffed an entire roll of tissue down the toilet just for fun, I'd had enough. Little did I know that as an adult, I would take on the longest and most important babysitting role of my life. Eleven years ago, I was a gestational surrogate for the twins of my friend and her husband. Yes, you heard me correctly. Two human beings who are not genetically related to me spent almost nine months in my uterus before I handed them over to their mom and dad for an even more challenging lifelong full time job parenting.

While my decision to become a surrogate seemed straightforward to me, the questions I have fielded in subsequent years have since revealed that the practice of surrogacy is very mysterious many people Today I will share my personal story and hopefully add a perspective that deepens your understanding of this life changing decision. And along the way, maybe, just maybe, you might think about the many different opportunities to become a surrogate for other people in your life.

If I was able to sit down with each one of you today and individually explain the basic outline of my surrogacy year, I could predict the questions you would ask with relative accuracy based on my own unscientific survey of many past conversations. Let's start with a common question that allows us to orient to the beginning. Why did you ever agree to do this?

Once upon a time, I was living in a small rural town in Minnesota, teaching science in high school next door to the only other science high school teacher in the district, Jamie. We had formed a strong friendship based on, among other things, our love for running and our love of fantasy novels. Oh, and receiving awards for the cool science stuff that our students did. But as is the case with most friendships, we share difficult moments as well, such as when Jamie told me that she had a miscarriage early in her first pregnancy.

And I can recall with gut punching accuracy the shock and devastation I felt when, during her second pregnancy I learned that Jamie and her husband Ben made a trip to the emergency room when their son Lucas was almost full term, only to find he had passed away due to an underdeveloped heart. Jamie has an autoimmune condition that results in her body's cells attacking itself and thereby any other inhabitant of her body. Even though doctors thought that they could control this during Jamini's pregnancy, Lucas's death made the physical and emotional risk too high for my friends. They started to look for other options to start the family they so desperately wanted.

I honestly don't remember what circumstances first prompted me to offer to be a surrogate for Jamie, but I do recall at work one day I blurted out, if you ever need me to carry a baby for you, I would do it. I think I was as shocked in the moment as Jamie was, but as I thought about it more, it just made sense. I already had two sons of my own and didn't plan on having any other children. Both of my pregnancies were free of complications, and although I didn't love being pregnant, the physical condition was never an impediment for me. And most of all, I wanted to help my friend.

While I never felt like I could say the right things in those moments, now I felt like I could do the right thing. I would learn later that what I had offered to Jamie and Ben is called gestational surrogacy, or how I then described it to my five and eight year old sons. The doctors are going to mix Jamie and Ben's cells together to make a little embryo and then I'll grow it in my body.

The less common type of surrogacy, or genetic surrogacy, occurs when the female surrogate's egg is fertilized by the father's sperm. I was not a genetic surrogate for Jamie and Ben, just a carrier of their embryos, which is a fun little detail to explain to high school students who have both teacher and mother in the same classes. The practice of surrogacy goes back millennia, with examples in Babylonian law, the biblical story of Hagar, who was a surrogate for Abraham and Sarah, and also in the Hindu myth of the birth of Balram. The first gestational surrogate pregnancy on record took place in 1985, and in the 14 years leading up to my own adventure, over 30,000 surrogate pregnancies occurred in the United States.

Like me, many surrogates enter the experience because of altruistic reasons. One study completed in the UK in 2003 found that 91% of the women they interviewed entered the experience out of a desire to help a childless couple. Other reasons included enjoyment of pregnancy, self fulfillment, and financial gain. Since paid or commercial surrogacy is a concern that many entities have that oppose the process. We'll come back to this later in my story. For now, let's continue on with another common question I've received in the past. How does it work?

This is one of my favorite questions to answer, of course, since I'm a science Teacher. So forgive me for a couple of moments as I get super excited, a little personal, and a tad academic about what it took to grow someone else's embryos in my uterus. There will be diagrams. The whole endeavor actually started with Ben and Jamie going through the process of in vitro fertilization, or ivf. If you are from the United States, over half of you already know someone who has used IVF to begin and grow their family.

In brief, during ivf, the mother takes multiple hormone injections to stimulate their ovaries into maturing a bunch of eggs. Over a couple of weeks, those eggs are retrieved, screened for quality, and then injected or mixed with the sperm of the father to produce embryos via normal fertilization. Multiple embryos could result from this process, and some can be frozen to maintain their viability. But at this point, most couples will have one or more of those embryos move to the uterus of the mother, who will hopefully have at least one implant in the lining and start a fetus. But since this was no longer an option for Jamie, my friend, and the mother, my uterus now joined the party.

Before the embryo transfer and after some general health checks, I needed to trick my body into thinking it was ready to have a baby. So the IVF medical team had to make sure the cycle of my uterus and the embryos were in sync, along with preventing any infections or me getting pregnant the old fashioned way before embryo transfer. So to create the most welcoming and cozy environment for Jamie and Ben's embryos, I gave myself daily injections of a couple different hormones and started a regimen of antibiotics. After about a month of this and some acupuncture to stimulate blood flow, it was time for the big moment embryo transfer. Just a moment, though.

In the weeks prior to the transfer, the IVF doctor told us we had a big decision to make. How many embryos would be transferred into my uterus? Transferring two embryos does increase the odds that at least one of them will attach and start developing. But there are risks during the pregnancy that involves multiples. Jamie and Ben left the final decision to me. Knowing that the likelihood of successful implantation in IVF varies from 30 to 40%, I quickly opted to double those chances with a double transfer.

And how exactly do you move two embryos into a uterus, you might wonder? Well, with a long, thin tube that threads up through the vagina, past the cervix, into the uterus, with lots of fluids, developing and delivering those embryos like a water slide into a splash pool. This was followed by more acupuncture general chilling out for a couple of days to convince those embryos that they wanted to stay there for a while and lots of rest.

A few months later it was confirmed that the embryos were happily settled in and growing and if everything went well, two babies, a boy and a girl, would arrive in January of 2013. While my surrogacy pregnancy was pretty much free of complications, studies have shown that there are medical risks associated with being a gestational carrier, mostly related to the novelty of growing two embryos in one uterus. These risks include hypertension and anemia during pregnancy, increased likelihood of cesarean delivery, and higher chances of postpartum hemorrhage, which means more blood loss after the delivery.

For the parents involved in a surrogacy relationship, there are plenty of challenges as well. While Ben and Jamie would joke about wanting to check in on me every moment to make sure I was doing okay, the anxiety and fear of loss many parents feel can be overwhelming. There is also the potential financial stress that the process can occur. Some of the costs for IVF and embryo transfer might be covered by insurance, but it is still rare. Additional costs can include health insurance for the carrier and legal meetings and documentation related to surrogacy.

This point of my story is the best time to address the question that no one really wants to ask outright, but everybody wonders about did you get paid for being a surrogate? This map gives a general idea of the global legality of surrogacy, where the red areas represent countries that allow some form of the practice, either commercial or altruistic. And as the pattern shows, the majority of the country are actually blue, representing where all surrogacy is illegal. The green countries, and there are a few more of these, are where some form of altruistic surrogacy is legal. But in the United States, the legality of altruistic and commercial surrogacy varies from state to state. Of the remaining countries, some do allow for commercial surrogacy and some don't have any regulations at all. Confusing, right?

So why can't governments seem to agree on how to regulate surrogacy? In my opinion, it's because the practice sits in a gray area between individual rights and the role of government as a caretaker of citizens. The common arguments against surrogacy typically hinge on whether or not it exploits financially vulnerable women and commodifies reproduction. Some people are uncomfortable with what they see as a uterus for rent. Many shocking headlines about parent and surrogate relationships highlight these sticky ethical dilemmas, such as intended parents who who back out of the commitment after a pregnancy is confirmed, or surrogates who hold the developing fetuses hostage by demanding more money.

Here in Spain, where surrogacy is illegal, there was recently a high profile case of an actress hiring a surrogate in the United States to carry out her deceased son's child embryo. Commercial surrogacy was actually promoted in India from 2002 to 2015, with the government encouraging couples from other countries to hire Indian surrogates, although the brokers were barely regulated. When questioned about this concern, however, one Indian surrogate stated, this is not exploitation. Crushing glass for 15 hours a day for $25 a month is exploitation. Her argument highlights the People who choose to be commercial surrogates sometimes see it as a personal choice and a personal freedom to improve their quality of life.

In the midst of all these conflicting opinions, all I can do is speak my own non headlining experience. I chose to be an altruistic surrogate and did not want to be paid for what I offered as a gift. Additionally, before I started any medical treatments to become a surrogate, we all met with a lawyer to construct a contract outlining these agreements. The law firm had already handled similar cases, so they were able to guide us through the many details we had never even considered. Would the parents pay for the travel costs to and from medical appointments, lodging to out of state care, maternity clothing? The list went on and on and on and on.

Removing these financial complications from the relationship and beginning the process with clear and legalized expectations made sure that coercion and exploitation never threatened my desire to help my friends. This is what I would hope for any surrogate and the potential parents that they support. Let's recap. I took some hormones. I grew some babies. We made sure all the paperwork was legit. Now for the grand finale. After almost 36 weeks of temporarily housing these two babies in my body against all the odds of potential health and legal complications, it was getting time to kick them out.

They were both around £7 apiece. That's £3 each for you metric system advocates. But one of them was stubbornly remaining in breech position at the exit to my uterus. That meant they would need to be delivered via C section, so we scheduled a date on the calendar. On January 7, 2013, Sam and Claire were born with both of their parents in the delivery room.

Now we arrive at the final and most asked question about my surrogacy story. Was it hard to give them up? This is also the simplest question to answer of all, not at all. I never felt any urge to think of these embryos, fetuses, humans under my care, as belonging to me. While this might be hard to understand, it really was like a different type of babysitting experience, except this time I received a much more valuable remittance for my care. The surrogacy experience opened my heart to a new appreciation of of love and family.

By collaborating with Ben and Jamie and working so hard to bring two members of their family into the world, I was unconsciously developing a deeper connection to my family. Reconsidering my love for my own children and my own parents, I was also awash in the mystery and power of life itself, grateful to be able to use the amazing biology of my personal collection of microscopic cells to have a monumental impact on the universe of one family.

We've reached the end of my surrogacy story, but the story of Sam and Claire continues on. Jamie and Ben have told their children about their brother, Lucas, who died before they were born, and Amanda, who carried them around for a little bit. Every January around their birthday, the twins receive some books for me in the mail, and I reflect on that exceptional year of my life. I have no regrets from the experience. Even though I initially offered to be a surrogate with very little contemplation,

I feel so fortunate that Jamie and I were in the right place at the right time with a group of caring people around us for support so that we could pull off this little miracle. So now that you've heard my surrogacy story, I encourage you to think about the people in your life who you could be a surrogate for. Of course I'm not asking you to carry around twins for nine months. What I am thinking about is in what way can you offer a small part of yourself to initiate a positive change for someone else right here in your community? Can you give up 30 minutes a week to read to an elderly neighbor?

Or half a Saturday to pick up some blankets to send to the local church or shelter? Or one evening a month to cook a meal for the single parent living next door? What might seem like a small personal sacrifice of time or talent could have a tremendous impact on others. Remember how for Sam and Claire and Jamie and Ben, an active choice of love and hope created a family against all the odds? Thank you.

EDUCATION, MOTIVATION, INSPIRATION, SURROGACY, PERSONAL STORY, EMPATHY, TEDX TALKS