The video begins with a disclaimer about the limitations of supporting others and the importance of not acting as unlicensed therapists, which is crucial when dealing with severe emotional or mental issues. Andromeda Hightower shares a personal story about receiving critical feedback early in her teaching career in Japan, and how she chose to respond with positivity, which led to a productive relationship with her mentor. This personal experience prompted her journey into research on instructional coaching, mentoring, and feedback.

Andromeda explores the concept of "Changing Other People" and questions its feasibility and ethical considerations. She discusses the difference between active change (directly presenting changes) and passive change (listening and understanding) and highlights an instance where active change was ineffective. Andromeda emphasizes the unpredictable nature of impact when teaching and advocates for a balanced approach, considering the diverse contexts in which change happens.

Main takeaways from the video:

Please remember to turn on the CC button to view the subtitles.

Key Vocabularies and Common Phrases:

1. disclaimer [dɪsˈkleɪmər] - (noun) - A statement intended to specify or delimit the scope of rights and obligations; a warning to prevent misunderstanding. - Synonyms: (disclosure, warning, caution)

So before I begin my talk, I want to start with a disclaimer.

2. boundaries [ˈbaʊndəriz] - (noun) - Limitations or borders that help define acceptable behavior, responsibilities, or interactions. - Synonyms: (limits, borders, confines)

Know when to set boundaries and recommend that they seek professional help.

3. scathing [ˈskeɪðɪŋ] - (adjective) - Harshly critical or severely damaging. - Synonyms: (caustic, harsh, fierce)

It was a scathing single spaced two page letter of everything I had been doing wrong up until that point.

4. uncharacteristic [ˌʌnˌkærɪktəˈrɪstɪk] - (adjective) - Not typical of a particular person or thing. - Synonyms: (atypical, unusual, untypical)

That was uncharacteristic of me at the time.

5. mentor [ˈmɛntɔr] - (noun) - An experienced and trusted advisor. - Synonyms: (advisor, guide, tutor)

I received an email from my mentor teacher.

6. altruistic [ˌæltruˈɪstɪk] - (adjective) - Unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. - Synonyms: (selfless, philanthropic, charitable)

My desire to help other people was not always exclusively altruistic.

7. hybridization [ˌhaɪbrɪdaɪˈzeɪʃən] - (noun) - The process of combining different elements to create something novel or adapted. - Synonyms: (combination, amalgamation, fusion)

A self study methodology that involved hybridization between action research strategies and self reflexive journaling techniques.

8. profound [prəˈfaʊnd] - (adjective) - Very great or intense; having deep meaning or insight. - Synonyms: (deep, intense, thoughtful)

And I am so grateful for even the fraction of self awareness I gained that I might not otherwise have had if it wasn't for this process.

9. courageous conversations [kəˈreɪdʒəs ˌkɑːnvərˈseɪʃənz] - (noun phrase) - Discussions that involve speaking openly and honestly about difficult or sensitive topics. - Synonyms: (brave dialogue, honest engagement, fearless discussion)

Additionally, using what Coles, Ritchie and Smith describe in 2017 as courageous conversations is necessary sometimes.

10. reflexive [rɪˈflɛksɪv] - (adjective) - Relating to a reflex or reflected action; reflecting deeply on oneself. - Synonyms: (introspective, self-reflective, contemplative)

A self study methodology that involved hybridization between action research strategies and self reflexive journaling techniques.

Can you change other people? - Dr. Andromeda Hightower - TEDxUNLV

So before I begin my talk, I want to start with a disclaimer. This talk will involve discussing strategies towards supporting others in positive long term change, but keep in mind its limitations. You should not be an unlicensed therapist for anyone and if anyone you know is experiencing severe emotional or mental issues, know when to set boundaries and recommend that they seek professional help. This is for their own benefit as well as yours.

Okay, let's begin. I want you to think of a time in your life where you supported someone else towards positive long term change. Maybe it was a friend in a difficult time, or maybe a skill in a professional context, maybe feedback on a creative project. I want you to think about that time carefully and really ask yourself if you feel like that person benefited from that change all the way till now.

To help illustrate this, I'll talk about a time where this happened with me. When I first started teaching I started teaching in Japan through the Japan Exchange and Teaching Program. I taught in one of the most beautiful places in the world in Yubari City in the northernmost prefecture of Hokkaido. About a month in, I received an email from my mentor teacher. It was a scathing single spaced two page letter of everything I had been doing wrong up until that point, including things like walking and eating or eating strong smelling citrus fruits for example.

Now I was tempted to argue back. After all, I had only just gotten there, wasn't familiar with many of the customs, I wasn't trained very well and I was pretty young. But I thought, well, I should try something different. I should try a different approach. That was uncharacteristic of me at the time. I apologized and said that I would do better. Two years later we ended up building a great working relationship with each other and we planned many different lessons and activities for students. I'm very grateful for the decision I made at that time and it led down a long and productive path towards a career and education.

But I'm not entirely sure what motivated me to choose differently in that moment. And it is this kind of question that has guided me on my path towards research and eventually self discovery and growth. Now before I talk about that, I'll talk a little bit about myself. My name is Andromeda Hightower and I'm a recently graduated PhD from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. My focus of research is in teacher education, specifically in instructional coaching, mentoring and feedback.

I was originally interested in these topics because it started from right when I began teaching. I received a great deal of one on one support from both coaches and mentors. I wanted to pay back some of that support that I had received, but I found a surprising amount of difficulty in accomplishing that task.

To begin, I want to think about the question posed in the title Changing Other People. Is it even possible? Now? Clearly, from your own experiences and my own, Changing Other People does happen. It's not so much whether it's possible at all, but rather if we have any control over the extent and nature of the impact we have on others.

This time I want you to think of a time in your life where you were changed by someone else. Was that change potentially negative? Was it random? Is the other person even aware that they had this change in you? To think about this a bit more, I consider teaching as a good example. It is not so much the individual impact we have on any one student's life, so much as it is the hundreds of potential impacts, positive or negative, that we can have every single day with all of our students.

There's this part of a quote from a teacher long ago that inspired me and said it better than I could. The impact of a teacher is unspeakably high and remarkably unpredictable. So in that case, is our answer a no to that question? I would argue something more optimistically realistic. It depends. We can't know a solution for every possible situation, but we can at least try our best to improve our odds towards success.

To think about this, consider this pyramid at the very top. These are the decisions that we make towards supporting others in that long term. Positive change when we think about changing others, this particular framing might come to mind. Here's a change I would like someone to make, so I'll present it directly to them, provide evidence and explanations as necessary so they can understand what it is they need to change and how to do it.

Many trainings are framed this way, as well as even personal interactions with others. It is this kind of change that I would call active change, meaning that the recipient is directly presented with what the change is and how to do it. Now, there is a context where these kinds of changes work. For example, in professional development literature at least, it suggests that for relatively simple knowledge or skills, active or direct approaches work well enough, and coaches and mentors can use this strategically to help support potential knowledge gaps that might exist.

Additionally, using what Coles, Ritchie and Smith describe in 2017 as courageous conversations is necessary sometimes, such as for calling out racism. However, for more complex change, complex knowledge or skills, these active changes rarely result in the kind of outcomes we're seeking. And even if we see changes in the short term, they may not persist to the long term, and that's in the better case scenarios. In the worst case, we we may end up hurting the very people we are attempting to help.

There was a student in one of my courses, showed a lot of early promise as a teacher. Passionate heart, in the right place, participated frequently in class. I really believed that active change was what was necessary to support teachers towards that long term success. So I provided ample amounts of feedback, both during class as well as on assignments, about every small detail I could think of. Consider this, add this, have you thought of this?

And so on one day this student came to my office feeling concerned about their teaching. So I provided many of the same points of feedback I already provided before. And instead of helping them, they cried, they left worse than they did walking in. And frankly, I'm still not even sure if they're still in the profession at this point.

I failed as a teacher educator in that moment. I failed to consider a different approach that might have helped to take a more passive change approach, to actively listen, to seek to understand and to understand the person before jumping to conclusions.

Ultimately, it's hard to know exactly what kind of approach is best for every situation. After all, even in the scathing letter example, it was an act of change that did inspire my own change. But at the very least, we can consider this as one of many different approaches that we have as tools in our arsenal as coaches or mentors to consider.

Now, the bottom of the pyramid is self awareness, specifically self awareness about the act of changing others itself. In my own research, I found that my desire to help other people was not always exclusively altruistic. Codependency born from childhood trauma meant that at least part of the reason that I wanted to help other people was because I wanted the reassurance that I was a helpful person.

Maybe I put so much of that feedback and all of this active change in my classes because I wanted the reassurance that I was a helpful person. Maybe I accepted that scathing letter all those years ago because I had yet fully developed a sense of self love. It is these kinds of desires and fears and many others that can potentially influence the ways that we make decisions towards helping other people. So we must be authentic in our self discovery process.

Okay, well, easier said than done, right? How do we even begin that? And obviously, since we're talking about the self, it's going to vary from person to person. But I do think there's one common thread among all of them, which is that a desire to change oneself to some extent must emerge from the self. And that support received from others should similarly encourage this effort.

Now, in my case, a variety of different things helped therapy played a role, as well as interacting with many different people from different walks of life across the world. Diversity is the stuff of growth after all. But by far the most instrumental change was one that I developed as part of my dissertation research a self study methodology that involved hybridization between action research strategies and self reflexive journaling techniques.

Now that's a whole lot of words to describe what's ultimately a fairly simple concept, so I'll do so through an example. Let's say there's someone you're trying to help. You start a journal about that person you're trying to help. Ideally, right after an interaction you've had, you write down two sections, one that documents the facts of what took place, and one that documents your thoughts, feelings and reactions about what took place. Then wait a day and reread what you wrote.

See if there are any particular takeaways or maybe some ideas or puzzling concerns that come out of that analysis. Then consult the research. Read online, maybe read articles, journals, consult with trusted peers until you have some clear takeaways that you can journal and document one last time before your next interaction. Then the cycle repeats. This process is particularly helpful because, as I found through my own dissertation research, it often takes several consecutive cycles of reflection before underlying factors are seen, let alone understood.

There are a myriad of challenges towards supporting others in long term positive change, and it is my ongoing goal to seek out the best ways to do this effectively. I still don't know entirely what motivated that change from the scathing letter all those years ago, but I do know that in addition to what it did for my career, it did wonders towards my own self awareness. And I am so grateful for even the fraction of self awareness I gained that I might not otherwise have had if it wasn't for this process.

Coaches and mentors, as well as supportive friends and allies stand to greatly benefit the lives of others, but we must also consider the dangers that exist. Perhaps most importantly, before we ask how can we change other people, we must ask how can we change ourselves? Thank you very much.

Education, Leadership, Inspiration, Change Management, Self-Awareness, Feedback Strategies, Tedx Talks