The video explores the complex relationship individuals have with time. It starts by highlighting common phrases that reflect a toxic relationship with time, pointing out how people often procrastinate or live merely for the weekend. The speaker shares a personal anecdote from childhood, involving a remark from a teacher about using time wisely. This serves as a gateway to discuss the control time has over people.

The speaker delves into the exhaustion people face due to overwhelming schedules and commitments. The conversation emphasizes the need to break free from the past, reduce the mental weight of time, and focus on moments that matter. This includes embracing the present and prioritizing human connections over the burden of constant busyness.

Main takeaways from the video:

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Key Vocabularies and Common Phrases:

1. toxicity [tɒkˈsɪsɪti] - (noun) - The quality of being very harmful or unpleasant. - Synonyms: (poisonousness, harmfulness, destructiveness)

Not only do you think about time as a relationship, that it has the toxicity that we don't want, but you can also look at time in a different way

2. plague [pleɪɡ] - (verb) - To cause continual trouble or distress to someone. - Synonyms: (afflict, torment, trouble)

This has always plagued me. Even at the age that I'm at now, I still remember that day.

3. brace [breɪs] - (noun) - Something that steadies, holds up, or supports something else. - Synonyms: (support, prop, buttress)

The second thing that I want us to talk about is when we remove that brace, that exhaustion of time, when do we break free?

4. bogged down [bɒɡd daʊn] - (phrasal verb) - To become so involved in something difficult or complex that you cannot do anything else. - Synonyms: (overwhelmed, weighed down, burdened)

Well, not if I'm bogged down with time.

5. accomplish [əˈkɒmplɪʃ] - (verb) - To achieve or complete successfully. - Synonyms: (achieve, fulfill, complete)

We have an enormous amount of things that we have to accomplish, not only professionally, but personally

6. relinquish [rɪˈlɪŋkwɪʃ] - (verb) - To voluntarily cease to keep or claim; give up. - Synonyms: (surrender, abandon, waive)

It is a constant forgiving. It is an opportunity for us again to make wrongs right, to relinquish things that have happened because they really don't matter.

7. constraint [kənˈstreɪnt] - (noun) - A limitation or restriction. - Synonyms: (restriction, limitation, restraint)

And as we're learning, and I am still learning to not allow time to be the constraint, that doesn't make me great.

8. succinct [səkˈsɪŋkt] - (adjective) - Briefly and clearly expressed. - Synonyms: (concise, brief, to-the-point)

An example of this is I normally, as I said, I pace my day pretty succinct. I try not to go against that day.

9. implore [ɪmˈplɔːr] - (verb) - To beg someone earnestly or desperately to do something. - Synonyms: (beseech, beg, entreat)

I implore you, find moments that matter.

10. enriched [ɪnˈrɪtʃt] - (adjective) - Improved or enhanced in quality or value. - Synonyms: (enhanced, improved, refined)

To live a more enriched life.

Breaking up with our toxic relationship with time - Katina Wallace - TEDxApexWomen

Let's have a little fun. I can't see you. I'm going to imagine that nod. I want to know if you feel exactly what I'm about to say. I'm going to take you on a journey. Time flies. I don't have enough time. I'll do it tomorrow. Um, maybe I'll do it someday. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. TGIF I'm living for the weekend. Do it now. If you've ever thought or said those phrases in your mind. I want to introduce you to a new topic today. And I want to help you to break free of a toxic relationship we all have with time.

Today we're going to talk about time. We're going to make it this bold, imaginative thing. It could be anything. It's just our relationship with time. How we manage that relationship, how much control we give to that relationship. And when it's time to break free, we'll talk about that today. Let's just nestle in.

I want to take you on a journey to little Katina. It's the end of a grading period now. I love school and I love going to class. I love running home to my mom. I love letting her know I did great. Can't wait into nine weeks. I'm going to get that grade. Did I say that each A was worth $5? It was worth its wait and go. I couldn't wait to get home. Rip open the jacket. Great marks. Everything's fantastic. Ooh, I'm gonna get some money. In the comments, the teacher says, Katina is great. Her conduct is great. However, she needs to use her time wisely.

Now I'm in second, third grade. What does this mean? I went to recess. I raised my hand. I did everything I was supposed to do. In fact, I was the line leader and I did the chalkboard and I did everything right. So how was I misusing time? This has always plagued me. Even at the age that I'm at now, I still remember that day. I still often joke about this with my mom. We always talk about, hey, we do the right things, but maybe we need to focus on time.

So I wanted to talk about the relationship I have. And I'm sure, and if we're all honest with ourselves, we all have that same type of relationship. So I'm going to define time as my relationship. It can become extremely toxic. It's draining. I mishandle it. I maybe overuse it. I over plan. I don't leave a lot of time for the what ifs. Everything has to be in the same robotic and sometimes I skip a beat.

So when you think about time and you think about the relationship with it, we tend to give it the control it doesn't need. We waste time on the past. We remember the past so often and it has absolutely nothing to do with our future. Nothing to do with our future. That's the first thing I want us to remember. We're going to break free of the boundary and the limitation of the past. It's part of time. We can't get it back. We can only remember it. It is a stamp. That's it. That's it. It's gone. If someone brings it up, anything from your past, it no longer belongs to you. You are released of it. That's step one. That's free. Not worth $5. It's free.

Then you go to the second part of the relationship and we're going to talk about how draining it could be. Think about your day. You have started the day. The traffic is, oh my goodness, you have to be at work. 8:00, it is 7:58. I am going to be late. The day has already started bad. It's already bad. So when we start thinking about the day, we have back to back meetings.

We have an enormous amount of things that we have to accomplish, not only professionally, but personally. There are commitments. We have commitments to our children, commitments to our friends, commitments outside of work. And we build upon these things and we put more weight. And if you can't imagine what weight looks like, weight looks exhausted. It looks like I don't have enough time. I can't do it. I can't do it. Well, not if I'm bogged down with time.

The second thing that I want us to talk about is when we remove that brace, that exhaustion of time, when do we break free? Well, we want to do it today. We want to use today not only to think about not remembering or living in the past, but looking forward to the things that we can do, making moments count instead of being bogged down with all the things. So if you have 12 things that you have to do today, perhaps you only accomplish two.

And sometimes in the busyness, and might I say we do wear busyness as a badge of honor. It's not. It is not. Hashtag relationshipgoals. It is not. It's not. Busyness again is exhaustion. It's being tired. It's our inability to successfully feel like we've accomplished things because we're so tired. You end your day. How many of us like flop down in the chair like It's Monday. I still have Tuesday, I still have Wednesday. And I have more things to do on Thursday. And it's Friday. I'll get there and see.

We've gone so fast in trying to get done and through with the things that we're doing. We miss moments. That's the third thing. Moments and how they matter. I talk a little bit about as I thought about myself as a young girl, but as a woman, time has a couple of different meanings for me. Not only do you think about time as a relationship, that it has the toxicity that we don't want, but you can also look at time in a different way.

Time can be a healer. Time can be an opportunity to make the wrongs right. A lot of us have opportunities that we can do that people are still with us, people are still in our care, people are still in our relationships. And you often think about your circle, the circle of people that you take the time, you take the call, you take a moment and you ask them, how's your day?

And how many of us have gone to a store or we've seen a friend. And they say, hi, how are you doing? And you're like, I'm doing fine. We never ask them how they are. We're so busy. We're so accustomed to that conversation that we just are so busy. Let me just get to where I need to go. I want us to take a moment. In the third step to maximize moments that we can't get back now, we talk about the past. It's like that slippery thing. Time is going through our fingers. We really can't get it back.

But the moments we can make now and we can make them count. And what that looks like is spending a little bit more time having a conversation over the phone. There was a memory that we had, and maybe we text each other, maybe we call each other. How's it going? And most people that are around you know these things about you, and they want to know more. They want you to know more. An example of this is I normally, as I said, I pace my day pretty succinct. I try not to go against that day. And at the end of the day, I normally say, what didn't I accomplish?

And what do I need to do tomorrow? And so part of this conversation is a healing for me. Just like we talk about with time, it's an opportunity for me to say, maybe I won't get everything done today, but what I did, I did it well. And what I've accomplished, I'll do more of it. Tomorrow until it's all done. And that way, I'm giving myself the grace to say, I don't have to be Superwoman. I can't hold all of this up. I don't want to be exhausted. I don't want to spend my day being tired. We have enough of being tired. We have enough of the worry that we're not doing things right. And a lot of that really shows itself in how we present to each other every single day.

So we talk about the past. We talk about making moments. We talk about breaking free of the toxicity of the relationship. But I also want you to know that even though time can be toxic, and as we're learning, and I am still learning to not allow time to be the constraint, that doesn't make me great. It is a learning process. It is a constant forgiving. It is an opportunity for us again to make wrongs right, to relinquish things that have happened because they really don't matter.

I was talking to a very good friend of mine, and we were talking about grief. And that's also a point of time. And when you think about your circle, you have a group of people that are like, they know all of your story. Some of your stories, they don't want to keep hearing. They want to get over it. It only takes 20 minutes to get past that. It takes three hours to get past this. In six months, you'll be completely healed. Are you still talking about the same thing a year later? They become the timekeeper.

No, we all move through time in a different place. Sometimes it's slower than others. Sometimes we learn slower than others. I had to learn that. Sometimes we have to again, understand that time means a different thing to everyone. What do we do with that? Eventually we will all get there. We will all get to the same space. We will all get there. And it takes a bit of patience. That's another element of time. No one likes the patient.

I hate patience. I want it to happen right now. I want microwave results. I do not want to see anything that has to take time to bake. I'm not a baker. I like to put things in the microwave and let's get it done in four or five minutes so I can keep going. And so what I am learning again, this is a healing for me, is to take the moment, sit down, take the moment, pick up the phone, take the moment. Can't get it all done.

In fact, when you're driving down the street and you start to see the brand new shopping center or the restaurant that you didn't even know that was there because you haven't had time to take the breath to really understand that things are growing around you and you need to be a part of it. So instead of your someday, instead of, hey, I'll get to it tomorrow, instead of saying, hey, I have time, which none of us have a guaranteed amount of, that's another period of time.

It is the most constant thing in our life. It's either going to be here, not waiting on us, or we're going to miss opportunities. I frankly no longer want to miss opportunities. I want to go against fear. I want to go against self limitations, put myself in places that I normally am not. And what I've found when I do that is that normally I'm sitting at the place of the right person who has the right conversation, that it took time for us to get there.

And sometimes after we have that conversation, they meet you exactly where you are. And you've gone through the life lessons that time has taught you. You've gone through the grief that time has been a part of. The people that are no longer in your life, they still speak. They speak to you in the silent calmness and, oh, I know what that sounds like. And they let you know that not only will time not stand still for you, but you do have the opportunity to take control of it again.

I implore you, find moments that matter. If it's family, if it's friends, if it's an old hobby that you put away that you said, hey, I don't have time for that. Make the time if it's something that you wanted to do, plant a garden, bake a cake. Maybe I need to listen to my own self. But if you want to do these things, no longer put those off. You will have a circle of someone. Remember, I didn't say a circle of all. There will be someone that will help you.

There will be someone that will root for you. You want to always make sure that you're around people that can root. But if there's only one, go with that one. They will be that person. They will be the thing that you need to not only think about time as I'm exhausted, but time as I have more of it. The time that I have, I will seize it. The time that I have, I will enjoy it. And most certainly the time that I have is right now.

Education, Leadership, Motivation, Time Management, Self-Improvement, Emotional Well-Being, Tedx Talks